||[Dec. 11th, 2007|12:03 pm]
December has always been a month of enjoyment, relaxation and travel! As much as I sometimes find it hard to feel the mood of the holiday season (for various reasons such as having to work, having not enough money to spend, woes of existentialism haha etc.), I do make it a point to convince myself that there are things worth happy about. ‘Tis the season to be jolly, or bask in your own folly—someone rather witty once told me, and I have not forgotten that till this day. Henceforth, I’d resolved to ensuring that this task of ‘feeling the mood’ is congenial in the context of Christmas, my sister’s and my birthdays and new year! Yay.
So what have I laid out for my holiday season immersion this year? For one, I was glad my sister hauled our Christmas tree out and decorated it herself (which means that either my mum or I will have to take it down when the fun is all over, damn damn), but amidst all that glitter and presents lies the perfect mood for Oh Come All Ye Faithful and Silver Bells. Add to that the drowsy weather of soft rain drizzling down on the street out there and voila! You get Christmas in Boston city. The whole induction process is never complete until you have made a trip to Orchard Road, sans the crazy mob of sweaty heads and sticky arms (eeew), admiring the light-up and the sudden generous spirit of giving infused in us. Not forgetting a sumptuous christmas eve dinner filled with log cakes, turkey, booze, music and the sleazy-related. haha
* crosses finger…I’m trying not to think of how the physical years are zipping by while I bemoan my apparent stagnation at this point…shan’t be daunted *
You see, the thing about December is that as much as it reminds you of how beautiful the year has been, and how appreciative you should be of the wonders of Christmas and love and family and friends and the myriad of blessings your life has been bestowed upon with, it also callously jolts you into a startling realisation that there exists the solemn and lugubrious end to this balance. For you cannot marvel at wonder without the slightest inkling of dejection; no idea of goodness unless exposed to evil. Well, not that I am down in the pits at this moment, but perhaps being attuned to the other side of the equation makes us all the more determined to be happy and to enjoy the spirit for as long as it lasts?
We all go through life looking forward to something, having a goal that we hope we can achieve in years to come. But what comes after that? Devise a new goal to push us ahead again? Such an impetus towards fulfilling that insatiable appetite for contentment appears to be a self-employed tactic to keep ourselves going. The fear of stagnation; that little flinch upon a perceived finality—we want to avoid that. Should we just settle for the grace of the moment? Sometimes, I feel like I think too far ahead, consumed by my visions of the future that the magic of now is clouded. It’s no coincidental irony that some say they spend their entire lives chasing something which they would only enjoy when they were younger.
As I ponder over Christmas, a brighter and even more charming future beckons. Perhaps I should take stock of my life once again, being thankful for my family, friends, love, education and youth. Only then, in the future, can we muse in retrospect of our earlier lives having been well-spent.